Ginger: What Happened?What's a Segway?Code-named "Ginger," or simply "It," inventor Dean Kamen's latest brainchild was the object of speculation and rumor for more than a year. All who witnessed its development were awestruck by its implications. 3Com Corp. founder Bob Metcalfe, one of the lucky few to glimpse the incipient thingy, told The Boston Globe, "It is bigger than the Internet and almost as big as cold fusion would have been" ("Next Big Thing May Have Six Wheels," Jan. 13, 2001). As big as cold fusion would have been. And if twinkly elves existed, we'd all get three magic wishes. Wouldn't that be nice? But when Kamen finally unveiled the invention, it turned out to be a high-tech motor scooter now officially called "Segway." A scooter. All right, it's energy-efficient, and it's impossible to fall over when you're driving it — but still. I wanted Ginger to be a teleportation device, a rocket belt, or an invisibility ray, at the very least. I hoped that Ginger was truly going to be outside the box. Instead, it's the same old box with a gyroscope in it. If Segway catches on (and at $3,000 bucks a pop, I doubt it), it will certainly mean less traffic congestion and pollution. But it might also mean a new infusion of fad-crazed young professionals networking furiously on cell phones as they scoot recklessly to and from the sites of power. Roving youth gangs could soup-up these things and drag race down the sidewalks at speeds up to 15 miles per hour! And none of the specs I've seen for the Segway shows a cup holder. A workforce on the move will be gulping its mocha one-handed as it veers to the office. Danger, Will Robinson! THINKING OUTSIDE THE TOY BOXIf Segway's main purpose is to ease the pain of thrill-seeking upscale commuters, which it seems to be, I have some alternate invention suggestions that might be just as useful, and maybe more affordable. Antigravitational Go Cup. This invention is contrary to the laws of physics as we understand them, but because nobody understands the laws of physics anymore, it could be very, very cool. The Intelligent Antigravitational Go Cup. Once the engineering of the Antigravitational Go Cup has been worked out, it would be child's play to endow it with artificial intelligence and have it "bond" with you. Think of it, you get out of the shower and whisper, "Here cup! Good cup!" And up will float your own personalized go cup, filled to the brim with the beverage of your choice. Not only that, it's loyal only to you, fiercely loyal. It will kill for you (or at least spill mocha on your enemies). Extreme Pogo Stick. Clear an entire city block in a single bound! Personal Digital Assistant (PDA) 3000. A noninvasive procedure places the hyperminiaturized PDA 3000 just beneath the epidermis of your palm. Once it's installed, you'll be able to access email, surf the Web, and make personal calls. Picture yourself, hand clamped firmly over your face, shouting muffled instructions to your stockbroker, as you zoom down the street on your Rocket Shoes! The scornful laughter of pedestrians will stop soon enough, as they scurry to get out of your way. If modern science can put a goose on the moon — and I'll bet it could if it put its mind to it — the inventors of tomorrow have got to get a little more creative. They need to ask themselves: What would Buck Rogers do? If he had a job. And wanted to improve his commute. Ian Shoales is working on a solar-power perpetual motion machine. He has it made in the shade in San Francisco. |
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